Today was overwhelming. Many of these days are. This is my mantra. There is always room to try again tomorrow.
Spread Love, Not Germs
Right now we can’t physically have contact with others without potentially endangering them or ourselves. So the best way to spread love is small acts that can take place at a distance. Which fits into my usual routine of sending mail!
April is traditionally Write_On month, where everyone is challenged to send 30 letters in 30 days. While my schedule (full time work from home, plus full time childcare, plus crisis-schooling, plus my own continuing education) means I don’t have time to officially do write_on, I still plan to send as much mail as I can. Especially to those who I know are social distancing alone right now.
And, another way we are not spreading germs is to wear face coverings. The CDC recently reversed its previous guidance on masks, and now recommends covering your face anytime you leave your house. Since traditional masks are needed for healthcare workers, it is best to make your own. There are several patterns I’ve used (RagMask and Maker’s Habitat), but for those who don’t sew, there are also tutorials to use a bandana. Either way, best to line your mask with a non-woven layer (a coffee filter, a dry babywipe, or part of an air conditioning filter screen can all work).
Stay safe out there! And spread as much love as you can.
Output
Currently, many folks are home, trying to balance full time work and full time childcare, plus homeschooling/education of some sort. I’ve seen all the color-coded homeschooling charts, and all the articles about how to maximize productivity when your kids are at home (split shifts! easily accessible snacks! engaging activities!), as well as all the apology notes to coworkers and bosses written after the kids are in bed and parents are signing back on. Note: this balance isn’t unique just to parents - you mean you’ve been social-distancing for a week now and haven’t started quarantine journaling / apartment-Kondo-ing / manuscript writing / daily yoga live-streaming / bread baking? What are you even doing??
But this isn’t a sabbatical, or a contest. This time is unprecedented and unknowable. And indefinite. And everyone reacts differently. And while one answer is to get lost in productivity, that doesn’t have to be the only answer. Depending on your politics, you might in fact think that a focus on productivity and capitalism have exacerbated the current situation. (Many of the problems folks are currently struggling with - available and affordable healthcare, child care, time off work, fair and equal access to resources - are what progressives have been trying to solve for decades.)
And when society is not normal in two weeks, or two months, you might feel this even more. You might not have engaging or fulfilling projects at work. You might not have work at all. But regardless, you will still be a human person (as my son would say), and you will have not lost value.
You are not your output. Your worth is not measured by your productivity, for your household, your family, or your workplace.
Feel free to make it a mantra in the days and weeks ahead.
Next right thing
Glennon Doyle has a quote, “Just do the next right thing. One thing at a time.”
I like this idea because it doesn't matter what got you to this point. It doesn't become overwhelming to think about the hole you've dug yourself into. Just do the next right thing. It puts you on the right direction.
I think this is a great tactic for everyone in terms of the recent pandemic and our reactions to them. Haven't been social distancing? It's okay, just start now. Been hoarding necessary supplies? It's okay, find a place in need to donate them. Business owner that is still open? It's okay, adjust your policies now.
It's hard to always do the right thing. But one of my other favorite maxims is “once you know better, do better.”
There is no wrong time to make the right decision. Just do the next right thing.
And if you haven't yet read this widely shared Medium article, make that your next thing.
Women’s day 2020
Happy International Women’s Day!
Today is a day to celebrate how far women have come in a patriarchal society, and recognize the achievements of individual women in service of us all. But also, to bring light to how far we still have to come, and to amplify the voices of those who continue to struggle.
Quote by Audre Lorde.
Also important are understanding some of the historical context.
But also, women are awesome! Let's celebrate!
Show up. Be present.
This past week I read an article in the New York Times about parenting. It encouraged parents to step away from the intensive program of the “helicopter parent”, and instead just show up, with our whole selves. Giving our child support and care through attention and intentional interaction, instead of through a whirlwind of activities and lessons and educational toys which are meant to give our child an advantage over their peers. (The article goes on to talk about the 4 S method - Safe, Seen, Soothed, Secure, and particular the idea of “seen”, which is pretty new in terms of generations of parenting. I recommend reading the whole thing.)
But this idea of showing up and just being fully present does not apply to parenting alone. It applies to many of life’s interactions with others. Especially those going through a rough time. Emily McDowell’s Empathy Cards has a good one expressing just that (and a very appropriate thank you note as well.) In this day and age, there is such power in just being there completely, without distraction. allowing the person you are with to feel that you get them and that you’ll be there for them. So often we have expectations of others (based on social media, or prior interactions, or our own insecurities) that we don’t let those people tell us who they really are. But if we paid attention, it might not be so hard to see.
Later this spring, a new book on the topic - The Art of Showing Up - will be released. I’m interested to read it, because of my strong thoughts on friendship. This book will also talk about showing up for yourself, and the necessity of true self care, which is definitely a worthy topic.
I'll call you
I love old telephones.
Survive
The last couple years, I’ve picked a word in January to reflect upon that year. It makes more sense to me than resolutions (which I typically make in the fall).
Except, picking a word for the year is still a bit of a trap. It’s a more subtle way of pushing myself harder, trying to be an even better mother/partner/worker, which in and of itself isn’t all bad. But so much of this “betterment culture” surrounds women, and their ability to look good and effortless while achieving unbelievable feats all while the deck of patriarchy is stacked against them. And don’t even get me started on adding in motherhood (the myth of the working mother who can also craft amazing teacher gifts and plan epic birthday parties all while practicing self-care and making it to her weekly workout group).
Read this article which contextualizes resolutions and their impact on society (and ourselves!)
[Resolutions] do not benefit you so much as they reinforce the idea that you are not enough. But they do benefit larger forces that you did not create and have no control over — the same forces that convinced you that you were broken in the first place.
Unfortunately, our internalized sexism and internalized gender-roles play a huge part in things like goals and resolutions. What we determine to be success or achievements is shaped by our culture and our roles within it. So for me, even just choosing a word for 2020 becomes a comparison to other women and mothers and Instagrammers, who are choosing words or phrases or full-on writing out monthly goals in 30-day-planners.
And all of that is to say, if you are personally fulfilled by creating new year’s goals or resolutions, please do what makes you happy. But maybe take a moment and make sure it is how you want to spend your time. Perhaps instead of focusing on changing, we should celebrate our successes. What if January was the month where we really talked about how far we’ve come in the past year, and we were proud of ourselves and celebrated our family and friends for their achievements as well?
So, this year, I am picking a word. But that word is: Survive. I know this will be a hard year for me; I’ve overcommitted myself with Harvard classes and big projects at work, and if you haven’t heard, there is a presidential election this fall. Therefore, instead of creating a bigger challenge for myself, I’m going to set the bar at getting through this year as who I am - a whole and flawed human, who certainly has areas to improve, but not as the priority these next 12 months. And I’m going to marvel at and appreciate my survival along the way.
May you be comfortable with yourself, and your achievements, and take a moment to celebrate how far you’ve come!
2019 recommended reading
End of the year round-up lists are pretty great. (Actually, I'm a fan of most lists in general.) And making my recommended reading list is one I really enjoy. (See 2018’s list here.)
Goodreads did a personalized dashboard of the year, which was a great jumping off point. Taking a big picture look at my reading year is always insightful. This year I read much more non-fiction, despite being a part of a fiction bookclub. Most of what I read was older, though a couple did come out in 2019. (I have such a huge stack on my nightstand to get through, I rarely read new releases.) And I still haven’t finished The Crack-Up by F. Scott Fitzgerald - it’s the book that puts me to sleep, and I’ll be sad when I finally run out of 3 page intervals. You can see my in-depth reviews of these and more on Goodreads.
If you are looking for other inspiring reads, I highly recommend President Obama’s list. I’ve added some of his to my 2020 to-read list. Though I might be a few books fewer next year, as much of my reading of late has been Harvard case studies…
What is your most recommended book from 2019?
2019 Holiday Card
This year for our holiday card, we took a new approach, creating a timeline of our year. We tried to impart a story of what we’d been up to individually and as a family.
With all the photos we take, it was hard to pick which ones would grace the card. But we are happy with the end result!
And of course, part of the art is on the envelope, with my collection of stamps. I like the recipient to think of it as a little gift.
I hope you received enjoyable cards this year!
Sparkle
Every Christmas season needs a little sparkle.
Both versions here are done with outline tip paint markers. They were gifted from a friend and I’ve had such fun playing.
I hope everyone has a sparkle-worthy holiday!
Holly Jolly
Trying to get into the spirit of the season…
